Brenda looked forward into the mirror with all of her vigor and intensity. Apparently, she possessed her own personal self bias because the convoluted figure standing before was not what she thought she resembled. This past year had been the year which defined her life. She had been diagnosed with ALS and subsequently entered into the severe stages warranting complete body paralysis. The myelin isolating her axons was deteriorating with every passing second of each day and there was not a thing she could do to stop this indelible force. Even if she desired to form a plan of attack there would be not a soul willing to help her, but just a hearth to surrender her fight on.
When she was first diagnosed she strategically placed a picture of herself when she was twenty-five years old and she was in her prime on her wall so the spirit of her pat would still remain inside her even through the worst of times. Right beside her picture was her PhD in Biotechnology from Columbia University. Before the onset of her ALS she ranked among the five most successful scientists manipulating stem cells to cure neurodegenerative conditions in the U.S. She once again turned her attention toward the mirror which reflected not herself, but a victim who society had failed. She had lost her identity and ultimately herself worth in this colossal pool of wires and tubes which extended her life. They would not extend her life to the point where she could execute municipal activities, but she survived only to remain trapped in the hellish vessel of her body until the next day. She intensely eyed her voluptuous figure underneath her black satin dress which was very risqué. That Satin dress despite being overzealous beat the hell out of the flowing white spotted gown which probably could have been uncovered in a junkyard for all she knew.
This moment of contemplation was the first time she felt pity on herself since the advent of her demise. She would never again be liberated enough to walk amongst nature and see what the world has to offer. All that was left and that is left and there will ever be is the four white walls of her room. Brenda felt tears emerging down her face, but all she could do was remain prone on the hospital bed; her lower extremities were completely paralyzed. The tears kept streaming ad her mind kept wandering. At this pivotal moment she experienced a revelation; she needed to end this nightmarish reality which had become her life. All she would endure if she was to continue with life was a plethora of medical problems and confinement to her hospital bed.
She silently pondered the manner of execution. How would she go about this when she had no control over her limbs? She than realized the murder weapon which lied inside her palate- her tongue.
Brenda acknowledged this was the end of her life. All the emotional and physical pain would now be relinquished. She would now be amongst her fallen peers in a place where scientific laws seized to exist and souls emulated their bright glow. She took a deep breath; her last breath in this lifetime and bit her tongue as hard as she could with the last resurvey of strength inside hr. She continued biting her tongue and watched while the white sheets became red as they were bathed in blood. As she was executing this last act of disparity she was bombarded with her own self preservation instincts. Her instinct desired to live and by all means she was completely defying the primitive instinct by ending her life. She began to feel light headed and her entire mouth was numb. She began to gag and choke as a result of the colossal hemorrhaging inside her palate. Everything became fuzzy and hard to perceive. The noises around her were dimmed and the lights became blurred smudges of light. Finally, the world lie silent as her heartbeat stopped. She had accomplished her mission. She was dead.
Copyright © Shelly Davis
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